KeAnZu

The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be sploitz.

Stop TK’ing, you fag!!!11!!

I might be white to the naked eye
But I’m gonna be black ’til the day I die

Sequential Pictures

A champion at D&D
MC Escher that’s my favourite MC

I’ll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I’m fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon

The only question I ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realise she’s very plain

There’s no time for sin and vice
livin’ in an Amish paradise

On my knees day and night
scoring points for the afterlife

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

The pavement cracks when I fall down
I’ve got more chins than China town

When I walk out to get my mail
it measures on the Richter scale

My shadow weighs a 42 pounds

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

This fucker’s acting up like a troubled child on crack! (0:06)

This fucking operating system is as unstable as Charles Manson (0:37)

Foamy by Jonathan Ian Mathers

The exact lesson format will be different at each resort but you can expect to learn the following skills:

Skating or Scooting - Put your front foot into the bindings and push yourself along with the back foot. Keep your weight on the snowboard and allow it to glide. Learns what it feels like to have a big piece of wood strapped to your foot. Important skill for later when you start using lifts.
Straight Running - On a very gentle slope strap in both feet and slowly glide down the slope. The goal here is to learn the basic stance which is used for all advanced techniques. You should watch where you are going, hands slightly away from your body, knees bent, upper body facing same direction as front foot, weight distributed evenly and stay relaxed. Try bending down and standing up while gliding.
Standing up on the slope, heelside - Make sure the board is across the slope, you should be sitting facing down the slope with the heelside of the board in the snow. Put one hand on the snow close to your body to push off from, put your other hand out over the board and roll forwards to stand up. Make sure not to overextend and keep the heelside of the board dug in to prevent slipping.
Side slipping, heelside - Stand up facing down the slope with the board across the slope and the heelside of the board firmly dug into the snow. Slowly push down on your toes to flatten the board to the snow and get it moving down the fall line. Smoothly roll back onto your heels to slow the board or onto your toes to speed the board up. Relax and stay smooth!
Side slipping, toeside - Stand up facing up the slope with the board across the slope and the toeside of the board firmly dug into the snow. Slowly push down on your heels to flatten the board to the snow and get it moving down the fall line. Smoothly roll back onto your toes to slow the board or onto your heels to speed the board up. Relax and stay smooth!
Falling leaf, heelside - Start doing a normal heelside descent and then put pressure on the toes of one foot to cause that end of the snowboard to turn down the slope, let the board run a little and then roll the same foot back onto the heel to stop the slide. Try the other foot. Alternate feet crossing back and forth the slope in a falling leaf pattern.
Falling leaf, toeside - Start doing a normal toeside descent and then put pressure on the heel of one foot to cause that end of the snowboard to turn down the slope, let the board run a little and then roll the same foot back onto the toes to stop the slide. Try the other foot. Alternate feet crossing back and forth the slope in a falling leaf pattern.
Garland, heelside - Same as falling leaf heelside, press down on the toes of one foot to turn the board but this time allow the board to turn until it is pointing directly down the slope before rolling back on the heel of the same foot to flatten out. Also known as J-turns.
Garland, toeside - Same as falling leaf toeside, press down on the heel of one foot to turn the board but this time allow the board to turn until it is pointing directly down the slope before rolling back on the toes of the same foot to flatten out. Also known as J-turns.
Linked turns - Same as the garland but instead of recovering and turning back keep the turn going right around. Start out heelside - end up toeside. Start from both heelside and toeside.
Leg turning - On heelside turns turn the front leg into the slope to turn better and on the toeside rotate the front leg away from the slope.
Flat-Basing - This is where the board is flat on the snow. Whilst flat-basing it is possible to ‘catch an edge’ which will usually put the rider off balance. The primary cause of this is attempting to flat-base where flat-basing is not suitable e.g. a transitioned piste. It is the fastest position snowboarder can assume as there are no forces actually against the snow (as with carving) just a little friction on the bottom of the board.
Carving - Aggressively pitch the board hard over onto its edge to carve, keep transitions short and as you pick up speed start your transitions earlier and earlier. In carving the board is always either on one edge or the other and carves a track in the snow.
Powder - Snowboards were designed for this, powder is easier on a snowboard than on skis but keep your speed up, keep the nose of the board up by putting more weight on the back foot than normal and don’t edge over too hard.

Top 8 Tips for the beginner snowboarder

• Keep your knees bent, especially when slowing down, to absorb the bumps.
• Snowboarding is mostly done on either the heelside or toeside edge of the snowboard. You have little control when the snowboard is flat.
• Turn the board by pressing down with either your heel or toes, don’t throw your upper body around. Try boarding with your hands on your hips to force you to use your feet to turn.
• Keep your head and shoulders facing downhill with your center of gravity over the center of the board.
• Relax and stay smooth! Nervous, jerky movements will result in frequent falls.
• When not strapped to your feet keep the snowboard bindings side DOWN in the snow to prevent the snowboard from sliding down the mountain without you.
• Keep the snowboard perpendicular to the slope when sitting or getting up to prevent it moving.
• Keep your hands over the ends of the board for balance (”tip and tail”).
• If you remember nothing else, remember this: Knees bent, relax!